Fear.

Having experienced the fear of losing something or someone dear to you for the first time round have been one of the most difficult period in my life, I was literally on the verge of mental breakdown, it was really a terrible feeling. Never ever did I dare to imagine having to go through it for the second time. I'm sure for those who have gone through a similar experience, will understand exactly how I'm feeling right now.

I can freshly remember the feeling of it..you wanting to do everything you could to hold on to it.. you're willing to take in anything as long as you keep that something/someone you're fighting for. It's an overwhelming mixture of courage, strength and fear. I simply lived by that one rule: never give up.

Recently I was struck by the thought that I'm feeling the same thing again despite the fact that I live by the moment up to its end. I then realized that I wanted it so badly that I'm scared to let it slip through my fingers just like that. Maybe I can say that I will never give up easily on anything without even trying..and trying really hard. I don't know..but for me this validated the importance of it..that it was truly important to me. I didn't choose to feel it..I just felt it, that was the difference.

You know, it's nice to hold something precious but yet at the same time, frightening? If you hold on to it too tight, it may wish to move far away and if you hold on to it too loose, it might just slip away. I was almost at the brink of forgetting how was it like to care again about something and now I'm figuring out how to solve the puzzle again.

Well, there's so much we can do for someone or something and yet often at times we don't have to do it all. Because for what I know and have learnt.. if it wishes to stay it will, needless to say, that's for sure.

I'd be lying if I say it doesn't matter to me and I'd really be lying through my teeth if I say I didn't care at all.

"Learn as though you would never be able to master it; hold it as though you would be in fear of losing it."