Drain-ed.

It's the weekend once again, and I'm out of Tekong. I'm still trying to get used to this feeling, of being free one moment, then chained the next; one life on the weekends, and then another on the weekdays. A hard transition, truly, but I guess when you've done it enough times, as with everything else, you'd get used to it eventually. You adapt, you evolve, and you move on, isn't it?

Ask me whether I've learned anything, and I'll say I'm not sure. For sure, my sergeants have inculcated drills and other army knowledge into my head over the past three weeks. But have I learned anything about myself? I find myself thinking, and questioning myself...have I grown? I've gotten slimmer, fitter, and botak-er? But I guess that's about it. I've yet to reach that feeling of...achievement, victory...or perhaps it's another formless concept I haven't conceived of yet.

I long for inner-growth. I want to be more than I can become, I mean who doesn't want to, right? There's so much potential in every one of us, I get excited just thinking about what may happen next, and to what lengths I can bring myself to. They say that you reap what you sow, and I guess I'll follow this mentality as I go through army life. It's not a front, or anything of that sort, it's just a want-to-do-the-best-that-you-can-be, at all times.

It have been a horrible week for me. Carelessly sprained my left ankle, twice during Monday's CBT training, it's swollen like a bak zhang now. I never would have thought that the fever sensation of 38.2degree celsius would welcome me back that night; shot up to a ridiculously high 38.7degree celsius. Eventually, I ended up at Pulau Tekong Medical Centre's sickbay that very night, placed under a drip through my right arm. I felt so terrible inside that I literally weeped while lying there.

I lost my sense of direction, it seems that I could no longer sense that motivation which have had kept me going all the time. I felt this certain void in me, emptiness was all I felt within... Depressed? Honestly speaking, yes I was.

Anyways, this is just an update on how things have been going. I'm not sure how much of army life I can divulge, but at the very least, I'm coping well, so far. Getting to bed early, waking up even earlier for the morning's 5BX, 3-5km Cadens Run, 3-4km Route Marches, Foot Drills, Physical Trainings, etc...I've quite gotten used to them. Come next week, however, I'm not sure how I'll handle it. That's when the 'real stuff' begins. I don't know what it's going to be like. I think I'll grow to dread the night, especially, when the chances of us getting tekan-ed increases, exponentially.

Ahhh, I'll leave it here. My throat is so sore that I don't even have the energy to project my voice out properly. I'd just be coughing away like some patient with incurable lung disease as I speak anyway. I guess I'm getting back to bed...see you guys next weekend, I suppose. I'd be sucking my thumbs off if my weekends ends like this every single time...

I miss you. ):

"Hate has a reason for everything. Love is unreasonable."